


The Aftermath

by Deep_Redd



Series: The Meryl Silverburgh Saga [2]
Category: Metal Gear, Metal Gear Solid
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Childhood Memories, Domesticity, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Home Life, Memories, Metal Gear References, Night Terrors, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2020-08-29
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:06:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 17,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24057961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deep_Redd/pseuds/Deep_Redd
Summary: After barely escaping Shadow Moses with her childhood hero, Meryl finds herself living a simple life in rural Alaska with THE Solid Snake. It takes a while for both of them to fall into a comfortable rhythm, but as soon as Meryl thinks life is going well for her, the unthinkable happens.(What happened between Shadow Moses and the Big Shell incident?)Rated Mature for discussion of certain themes in the near future. Tags will also be updated as we go along.
Relationships: Meryl Silverburgh/Solid Snake
Series: The Meryl Silverburgh Saga [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1735906
Comments: 7
Kudos: 15





	1. Difficulty

**Author's Note:**

> I'm finally back! Thank you so much to everyone who read my first fic "I Am A Soldier" and left kudos or comments. I have thought about you all so much over the past three years; the only reason I haven't posted until now is because I was writing this slowly during my last two years of college. I graduated in August of 2019 (Yay me), so I should have plenty of time to write (Especially with our global lockdown).
> 
> I hope this fic doesn't disappoint anyone. I haven't finished writing it yet, so any feedback will be taken graciously!

* * *

We travelled for miles on that first day. I clung to David’s back as the wind pushed passed us both, hitting him in the face with enough force to make him wince and grunt every so often.

There was a frail car ferry connecting Shadow Moses to the mainland, which was how we managed to get across. Although there were no bomber planes headed our way, extraction planes were en route to retrieve the bodies of Donald Anderson and President Baker. David told me that we had been declared dead by my uncle, who claimed our jeep fell into the ocean.

My uncle was trying to help us escape. 

The ferry was nothing more than a large raft connected to a pulley system. I helped Dave push the snowmobile onto the raft and watched as he pulled at the ropes, taking over when he needed a break. That ferry ride took us about two hours to complete, and at that we still had more travelling to do.

Caribou flew passed in a blur, as did the sun that had risen as a beacon of hope for us, but soon began to set in the west, the sky taking on a dark violet colour. I pressed my face as close to his as I could and whispered into his ear.

“We should stop. You’ve been driving for hours.”

A grunt was all I got in return, but I felt as he tensed a little under my arms that he agreed with me. We travelled for another hour or so, the sun leaving small streaks of orange in a navy-blue sky, and I wondered if the Northern Lights would be visible from where we were.

My eyes were closed, my arms numb when we finally stopped. His hands were still warm as he pried my arms from around him, holding me carefully around my shoulders as he led me to a small house sitting out in the middle of no-where. I froze, looking at him in disbelief. “Dave, we can’t go into someone’s house…”

Before I could finish, he had one arm under my knees and the other around my waist as he plucked me up from where I refused to move in the snow. “I know these people. It’s a B&B.” I struggled to see the house properly in the darkness that had consumed the land around us, but I was certain that it wasn’t big enough to be a B&B.

I asked to be let down on the porch. David gave me an odd look but helped me right myself on my numb legs, before knocking on the door quietly. My arms weren’t adequately shielded from the snow and the cold, and I rubbed at them harshly. The wooden door opened with a creak and an elderly woman peered out, catching sight of me first, then David. “David! Oh, how good to see you!”

He smirked a little, ignoring as she started to fuss about the cold and how late it was. “Oh do come in, you must be freezing! Is this a lady friend of yours? Look at her, nearly blue with the cold! And covered in bandages? Come in, come in!” David moved into the house without hesitation and I paused, unsure of how to deal with this. _She had called me a lady friend. Does that mean she thinks I’m… a..?_

“Are you coming? You’ll freeze out there.” David’s grisly voice pulled me from my tortured thoughts and I stared at him, no words forming on my tongue. He stared back, seemingly impatient that I was taking so long to reply. “If you need me to carry you, you can ask.”

I shook my head at that. I was perfectly capable of walking myself into this stranger’s home. I still felt unbelievably awkward, and he knew it. He always fucking knew. He had a sixth sense when it came to my feelings. “Look, I know I said I’d leave you behind if you doubted yourself back there…“ He pointed vaguely in the direction of where we had just come from. “…but that isn’t going to happen here. What is it?” 

I looked in after the woman. Through the narrow doorway, I could see that she was stirring something in a large pot in a small kitchen area, apron around her waist and a smile on her face. I licked my lips, feeling how dry and cracked they were. “She… She thinks…”

His eyebrow raised as I struggled to speak. Then he sighed, posing with a hand on his hip, and motioning toward me with his hand. “She thinks you’re crazy to still be standing out there.”

I sighed with irritation. “Better than her thinking I’m a call-girl.” He paused, staring at me with a look of incredulity on his features. “She called me a lady friend? Doesn’t that mean a hooker?”

His expression changed from shock to amusement, and his hand stretched out to catch mine. “No, it doesn’t.” His fingers wrapped around my wrist and he tugged me inside, practically shoving me into the small kitchen area beside the open fireplace. My worries were forgotten as I crouched beside the fireplace, my hands coming out to rest in front of the orange flames. It was only then that my teeth began to chatter noisily.

“Oh David, would you not mind her a little better? Your first lady and she’s blue with the cold!” That comment soothed my worries and I sighed through my teeth chattering. The woman walked over from the stove, a bowl of something hot in her hands. “Here, eat this up. David will show you the room in a minute. Take your time eating now.”

It was a stew, with meat and vegetables. I didn’t care what it was at that point, I was just eager to eat something that didn’t taste like cardboard. Someone pulled an armchair to the fireplace for me and I sat down, holding the hot bowl in my hands. David sat over at a small wooden table with the woman, talking to her between mouthfuls of stew. “Thanks, Sandra. I owe you one.”

She tossed her head back, laughing at his expression of thanks. She was quite old, maybe in her late fifties or early sixties, with grey hair and wrinkles adorning her face. Ocelot had looked worse for wear, which meant determining his age had been impossible for me. Sandra stood and walked toward me, to stoke the fire with a poker. “So, how did you two meet, hmm? David rarely spends time with girls.”

David replied before I could. “Work.” He was very quick to answer her question. I obviously knew that we couldn’t talk about Shadow Moses, but I didn’t know what else to say to this lovely woman. I merely nodded and smiled at this, the stew gone and my body warmed to the point where I just wanted to sleep. I idly wondered if I had caught something out in the cold, but the thought disappeared as soon as it manifested itself.

Sandra nodded in return, sitting on the sofa to my right. I didn’t even notice it was there until she sat on it. “Where now? He does a fair bit around here, for everyone.”

My eyes were threatening to close, and I realised almost too late that she was waiting for me to answer. And so was he. “Uh, the dogs?” I sounded really uncertain, and Sandra tilted her head at my comment. “David said he’d show me how to ride dog-sleds.” A bright smile flashed across her face at this, and she gripped my knee tightly.

“And no better than he to show you. Won second place in the Iditarod last year.” She gave my knee a little shake and then released me, turning back to David. “I’m assuming you’ll be moving on tomorrow morning. A shame, really. John won’t be back from a fishing trip until noon.” She stood slowly, dropping a friendly hand onto Dave’s shoulder. “You know where the facilities are, David. Don’t stay up too late.” And then she left the room. I looked all around the small house before looking back at him, taking in the cabin vibes.

That was exactly what we were in; a cabin. We were in a small room to the left of the front door, a room of maybe fours metres squared in area. There was a similar room to the right of the door, which was where Sandra had disappeared into. There were stairs too, leading to a second floor. Was that where we were going?

As I turned back around to David, I found him staring at me. I tensed, suddenly self-conscious, reminded of that stare from outside of the Commander’s Room. “What?”

He smirked and I decided that it suited him, instead of the frown he liked to sport. “You were quick to think of the dogs. I just hope you like them.” My mouth opened to question him on that, but he stood and waited at the door, distracting me. “Are you coming?”

“Where?”

“Upstairs. There’s a bed if you want to sleep.” I could _sleep_. Without having to worry about bombs, or a Metal Gear, or sick minded bastards who wanted to grind against me…

This was too good an opportunity to pass up. “Yeah! Oh, um…” I looked down at myself. “I haven’t anything to sleep in…” His eyes followed mine and I blushed, suddenly hyper aware of the fact that he had said the word _bed_ , not beds. There was only one bed. Did he expect us to share? 

He looked toward the door that Sandra had slipped inside, then sighed. “There’s probably something in the bathroom. Come on.” David walked quietly up the stairs and I stood to follow, ignoring as I nearly fell into the fireplace with vertigo. I dashed for the door, before moving back to the hearth to put the guard in front of it. Then I speed-walked into the hallway and up the narrow staircase, treading carefully to stop the wooden stairs from squeaking so much.

At the top, there were two rooms, as I suspected. One was a bedroom, with a double bed, and the other was a bathroom. Hearing movement from the bathroom, I decided to move into the bedroom to look around. The bedspread was a light blue colour, as were the curtains. There was another armchair similar to the one downstairs, covered with a light blue blanket.

As I stood at the doorway wondering whether to take the bed or not, David appeared behind me and whispered in my ear. “I’ll sleep on the armchair.”

I was quick to turn around. “No, there’s no need for that! I’ll sleep on the armchair. You need more sleep, you were busy…” I trailed off. I still didn’t know what had happened while I was unconscious, so I didn’t know how he had been busy. What had he been doing?

His expression was neither irritated nor amused, more like confused as he listened to my reasoning. I shivered a little, the heat of the open fire not quite reaching the upstairs part of the cabin, and I hugged my arms, noticing the bandages. David looked thoughtful, then nodded. “The bed is big enough for us both. There’s nothing in the bathroom by the way.”

My jaw dropped as he spoke. Big enough for us _both_? It was obviously big enough, but was that not awkward for him? He made his way to the other side of the bed, unclasping the metal grips on his sneaking suit. I whisked around. “I’ll… Be right back…” I practically ran into the bathroom, my face a dark red colour.

I splashed water on my face after I had finished using the toilet. We were going to be sharing a bed together. That seemed a bit… Intimate? But there was nothing else we could do. I sighed, prying the bandages off my arms and assessing the damage beneath them. The gunshot on my left arm was still tender, but otherwise healing well. The other bandages revealed small scratches, probably from being carted around so much. They didn’t need wrapping. I left the bandage on my thigh, knowing I would need to rewrap it. When I returned to the room about five minutes later, Dave was in the bed, but sitting upright. Waiting.

His voice was low and grisly. “You alright?” I merely nodded. I was nodding a lot. I didn’t have anything to say. I peeled the orange jacket from my torso and dropped it onto the floor, before tugging at my belt. David looked away, giving me a little privacy. When I had my jeans off, I moved slowly to the bedside and pulled the duvet up just a little, sliding under it carefully. I lay down immediately, with my back turned to him, curling up as best I could to get warm.

He lay down after I did, turning off the small lamp in the room. I had never been afraid of the dark before, but the incidents we had just suffered through twenty-four hours before had been traumatic enough for me to suck in a breath at the sudden loss of light. The mattress groaned as David timidly moved on his side of the bed, moving over to me and carefully pulling me toward him.

The heat from his body was a million times better than the fireplace and I cuddled against him, sighing with contentment as my body warmed itself properly against him. “Snake?” As soon as I had uttered his code-name I blanched. We weren’t on a mission anymore, I could call him by his real name.

But he didn’t mind. His voice was heavy with exhaustion, his words mumbled as he replied. “What is it, Meryl?”

I couldn’t think straight for a moment, his tired voice causing a combination of different emotions in my gut that made me feel both confused, but weirdly happy. When I didn’t respond, he carefully pushed himself up off the bed to look at my face. _He was checking to see if I had fallen asleep._ “Are you gonna ask me something, or can I sleep?”

I pouted at his rudeness, wishing I had the strength to pull away from his warm grasp. He was so much warmer than I thought he would be, pressed flush against my back with his arms around my waist. I had never been more comfortable. “I was going to ask what happened to Liquid while I was unconscious…”

There was an awkward silence between us for a minute or so. My eyes slid shut, as I assumed he had decided to ignore my question and go straight to sleep, but he answered after a few minutes of thought. “When was the last time you saw him?”

I jerked awake, on the verge of sleep. Sighing, I brought a hand up to my face to rub my eyes. “Uh, when he was taking me to Metal Gear. I… blacked out in the elevator.”

His grasp on my waist loosened and I held still, waiting. “How did you black out? Did he hurt you?” I nodded again, tracing swirls on the bedsheet beneath us. He tensed, then held me again, resting his head on my shoulder.

“All I know is that I activated Metal Gear using the card keys and he was in the driver’s seat. After I destroyed Metal Gear, I woke up on its head. Liquid challenged me to a fist fight, and showed me that he had connected you to the bomb. So I threw him over the side of Metal Gear.” He sighed, his voice more morose when he spoke again. “I thought he was dead.”

I thought this over. I had been connected to a bomb? Why would Liquid do that? I turned a little to face him, another question on my mind. “How did you activate Metal Gear with the keys?” Ocelot’s and Liquid’s conversation suddenly made a lot more sense, especially when Liquid had told me _my beloved_ would activate Metal Gear for him. But that didn’t fully explain how he had done it.

David shrugged. “Turns out they killed the DARPA Chief before getting his code. Another member of their unit called Decoy Octopus impersonated Anderson so I would be none the wiser.”

I didn’t bother nodding at this. I turned back around to lie more comfortably, closing my eyes to sleep. David’s breathing against my neck slowed and I realised that he had already fallen asleep. Well that was quick.

My own breathing slowed and I calmed, comforted in the arms of the man that had saved my life. The man who said we’d start a new life together. 

* * *

The second day got off to an even better start than we’d both hoped. I didn’t stir until midday, my exhaustion making me sleep for much longer than my usual eight hours. My eyes opened and I stretched in the morning sun, sitting up and looking around. There was a small pile of clothes on the chair next to mine, along with a bathrobe and some bandages.

I decided to have a bath. I felt dirty and sweaty, and idiotic for not doing so last night. What did David think of me? As I cleaned myself of the memories of that grotty civilian base a few hundred miles away, I pondered how David and I had been last night.

It had all been a bit awkward, though that was probably my fault. I’d never been alone with a man like this before, never mind slept in the same room with one. I sighed as I dried myself, wrapping the bathrobe around me before heading back across the hall into the bedroom again. I carefully wrapped up my thigh and arm with the new bandages, taking care not to wrap them too tight. The clothes on the chair were a pair of faded blue jeans, a crisp white tee-shirt and a dark orange woollen jumper, which I promptly climbed into. They were too big for me, but I ignored that and went downstairs.

The smell of porridge hit my nose and I sniffed the air like a dog, following the scent into the small kitchen. Sandra was stirring the large pot again and looked up when I entered, a smile on her face. “Morning. David said you’d probably be up by now, though he wasn’t sure. Kept checking on you.” I slid into a chair at the small table as she took a ladle and poured porridge into a bowl for me. “Those clothes suit you better than those jeans you were wearing yesterday. Do you some good too, in this weather.”

I pulled at the sleeve awkwardly, unsure of what to say. Eventually, I mumbled “Thanks, for the clothes and the food.” She placed the bowl on the table for me and I took a timid mouthful; by god, I never thought I’d miss the taste of porridge. Just as I was about to ask her about David, the front door opened in a cloud of snow and ice, and the man I had just been wondering about appeared. He stopped when he saw me, relief in his blue eyes.

“You’re awake.” The door closed and he moved toward me, his hand resting on my forehead for exactly three seconds. I counted. “I thought you had hyperthermia.” His fingers caught a strand of my hair, still damp from the bath, as he retracted his hand. “Dry your hair before you go outside. It’s freezing out.” I didn’t answer. This behaviour was very unlike the man I had seen shooting at terrorists, or defeating Psycho Mantis. Dave nodded at Sandra before leaving the cabin again, a hollow sound starting soon after he left.

Porridge nearly finished, I scraped my spoon against the bowl and took the last bite full. I turned to Sandra, who was now washing out the large pot. “Sandra, if you don’t mind me asking…” She looked up, a smile still adorning her face. “How do you know David?”

She stilled and a thoughtful expression crossed her face. “How long do _you_ know him?”

I twirled the empty bowl on the table, this query throwing me. “Uh…” I swallowed thickly. Thinking. Over-thinking. “Not long.”

She nodded. “I thought so.” She resumed cleaning her pot, slowly, thinking over what she had to say. “No-one really knows much about him. He moved here a few years ago, retired from something big. We all help him to keep busy.” She rinsed it before setting it on the stove again, drying her hands on her apron. “I’ve never seen him interested in anyone before." She smiled at me with a knowing look. "You must be something special for him to keep asking about you.”


	2. Soft Spot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank Bleu and everyone else who took the time to read this hot mess!  
> I barely read over this chapter before deciding to post it, so if there are any typos, I apologise in advance.  
> Thank you all!

* * *

Thinking over what Sandra had said earlier, I was almost scared to go out looking for him. Sandra told me that we were in an area of Alaska known as King Salmon, and that we were still a day’s trip from David’s destination. John was Sandra’s husband, who was putting fish on ice outside. David was chopping wood for them, as a means of saying thank you. And me?

I was acting awkward.

I was still on edge, but in a different way. I was out of my depth here, I didn’t know anyone, or where we even were. I was uncomfortable. Even Snake seemed to be acting differently. It was almost as though if I called him by his real name, he acted like any other human being. But if I called him by his codename, he reverted back to his usual self.

Sandra had told me that he had retired from something big. I assumed that to be FOX-HOUND, when he and my uncle left a number of years ago. But what had she meant by keeping him busy?

She let me borrow a jacket when I wanted to go outside a little while later, hoping to find David and ask him what his plan was. It was too big again and she chuckled as I zipped it up fully. I gave her a small smirk as thanks before opening the heavy wooden door and standing out into the cold air.

The sun was bright and high, casting a small shadow beneath my feet. The hollow noise I’d heard earlier was now louder and I followed the sound to the back of the cabin, to where I saw David chopping logs with an axe. He was wearing a pair of dark blue jeans and a white tee, covered with a red flannel. A heavy jacket like the one I was wearing was sitting on top of a pile of chopped logs beside him. I vaguely remembered that Liquid had been able to withstand the Alaskan cold in only an open trench coat. Did they share that gene?

I remembered the first time I saw Snake, outside of the DARPA Chief’s cell. I had honestly thought he had been Liquid Snake, the terrorist leader. They were exactly the same, except for the hair. And his eyes.

The axe stopped in mid-air as I came closer, David’s eyebrows raising with interest as I walked over to him. He slowly brought it down to rest on the snow at his feet, wiping his forehead with the back of his arm. “You okay?”

He always seemed to be asking me that. I felt myself nodding again, cursed at myself and found the courage to speak. “Yeah. Are you?” 

He frowned at that. “Yeah. Why?”

I shrugged. “I wanted to make sure you were okay too.” My gaze dropped to the snow at our feet, and I started to draw onto the perfect white canvas with my boot. Unsure if Dave was serious about starting a new life, I decided to test the waters. “I don’t know if I can go home, you know.”

The axe fell into the snowdrift at our feet, causing a flurry of white snowflakes to fly up into the air. “Did you want to go home? I can get you to an airport if you want.” I didn’t miss the hurt in his voice as he spoke, the grisly undertone heavy with worry. But even if this wasn’t the answer I wanted, the emotion was enough to convince me.

I looked back up at him, a smirk on my face. Shoving my hands into the pockets of the huge jacket I was wearing, I walked right up until I was directly in front of him. “As I recall, you promised me a new path in life. You aren’t backing down on that now, are you?” 

His eyebrows raised so high I almost didn’t recognise him. Then they fell back into place, a smirk on his face. “No, I’m not. I just thought the reality was too much for you after all. Am I wrong?” He dusted his hands of sawdust and snow, resting them on his hipbones as he appraised me. I smiled, glad to see him acting more like himself. The way he had been back _there_.

My smirk had dissolved into a smile. “The reality is _better_ than the legend, David.” We maintained eye contact for a few seconds, before I made my way over to the pile of logs and sat down, awkwardly, but determined to talk. “So what’s the plan?”

He took back up the axe, swung it in the air effortlessly, and then brought it down on the log in front of him, chopping it into two perfect pieces. “I have a place in Twin Lakes. The nearest town from there is half a day’s journey by sled.” He looked up from the timber, an expression of guilt on his features. “I don’t know about you, but I like to live away from people.”

I found myself nodding once more, but I didn’t hate myself for it. “I think time away from people is what we both need right now. Definitely.” He smirked at me, the sun showing up the sweat on his forehead. I almost scoffed at my sudden attention to detail. “When are we moving on?” I was still nervous around Sandra, and I hadn’t seen John. Being in the military had ruined everyday life for me, and I needed time to get used to it. To people. To domesticity.

David placed another log on the chopping block, shaking it a little to make sure it wouldn’t move. “Sandra wants us to stay another night. If we left now, you’d freeze during the night. We have a few more hours ahead of us.”

Freeze during the night? I snuggled down into the warm jacket I was wearing, my eyes on him as he worked. There was something on my mind though, and I wanted to talk to him. Or more accurately, I wanted him to talk to me. “Can I… Ask you something?” There was a grunt from him, and I took a deep breath before continuing. “Do you ever feel guilty about killing someone?”

The axe swung down without hesitation. “Not anymore.”

I contemplated this. He _had_ said that killing was something that gets easier the more you do it. And he also said that he was good at it. But even so, I didn’t think of him as dangerous. He was just a man doing his job. Plus, it was my uncle who had sent him in _blind_ to Shadow Moses.

_I_ felt guilty. For the men I had shot in the prison cells. For the men I had run over with the jeep. Then I thought of the coppery scent of blood, the sound of their bodies hitting the floor, the feeling of driving over their still-soft bodies… It was almost too much.

I was about to speak again when a man approached, wearing a heavy jacket and jeans. That seemed to be the fashion around here.

“Dave! Meryl! Sandra’s looking for you both!” David nodded, dropping the axe and picking up the jacket. He held out his hand for me and I stared at it for a moment, the gesture being alien to me, especially when it was Solid Snake who was reaching out. I placed my hand very carefully in his after a moment and his face softened.

“We’re coming, John. Tell Sandra we’ll be a minute.” John grunted in response, turning back around and heading back into the house. I looked to David in bemusement, my hand still caught in his. Before I could say anything, he spoke first.

“I want to try something.”

I waited for him to elaborate, but he didn’t say another word. He inclined his head, moving closer, his eyes fixed on my mouth. _My mouth_. Oh dear god, was he going to _kiss_ me?

I kept my eyes fixed on him as he moved closer and closer, his eyes sliding shut slowly until they fully closed and then his lips touched mine, warm and soft and gentle and I wasn’t prepared for it so I froze in place. My heart was beating so fast, faster than it had ever beat before, and I felt my face flush red. He pulled away, a smirk on his face, as he started toward the house, dragging me along with him.

* * *

Sandra had gutted and filleted one of the salmon that John had brought home. When she had called us inside a while earlier, she asked if I would help her prepare the food while David was to light a small fire using the wood he had chopped. I was distracted by the peeling of potatoes and washing vegetables for a short time, but as soon as the dinner was ready I was alone with my thoughts again.

We were sitting in the kitchen, somehow fitting four people around the small wooden table, eating our meal. David was sitting across from me, eating his food quietly, engaged in the conversation. I was in another world, my mind on the kiss that I was unprepared for. I had never been one for relationships, or even kissing people. I was inexperienced in the world of love and affection, and I felt slightly guilty.

My love life was lacking. I had minimal experience, but that was my attempt at fitting in at school, and not because I had been interested. My only interest at that age had been FOX-HOUND, and admiring legends like Solid Snake. I hadn’t even properly made-out with someone; that was why I was so intimidated by Dave’s actions.

My mind had been preoccupied with guilt before he kissed me, but all of that seemed minuscule compared to what I was feeling now. I pouted and looked down at my plate, realising that I should have reciprocated. Using my fork to push around a stray piece of fish, I thought it over. Would he think less of me now? Being recognised as a soldier was one obstacle, an obstacle that was easily remedied. But being myself? Being sweet, loving, or caring? That was something that you had to _show_. The problem was, I didn’t know if I could.

There was a familiar grunt from across the table and I looked up to three pairs of eyes, all trained on me. I blushed, realising the conversation had shifted toward me. “Sorry, my mind was elsewhere.”

John nodded, his plate empty. “Figured as much. We were just discussing when you’d be off tomorrow morning. Dave reckons as early as dawn, to get you to the house and settled in.”

My gaze drifted to the man in front of me, clearly not as preoccupied by what had transpired outside. Dave was watching me carefully, a twinkle in his eye. “Yeah, that sounds good to me.” I turned back to Sandra, away from his intense gaze. “Thank you so much for letting us stay, and for feeding us. It means a lot…”

She waved her hand in the air, standing and collecting the plates as she dismissed my thanks. “No need to thank me, dear. I’m always available to give a hand.”

* * *

It was a short time later when the sun dipped beneath the horizon, casting a blue-green glow across the cabin. Sandra and John always retired early according to David, so when they decided to go to bed, we also conceded to the fact that we needed to leave early and went upstairs. I’d had my bath that afternoon, and I hadn’t done much since, so I felt no need to wash again.

I slipped into my vest and panties from the day before, freshly washed by Sandra, and sat on the edge of the bed, not quite ready to go to sleep. I picked at the bandage on my thigh, before looking around the room and noticing a thick curtain pulled across what I had assumed was a wall. I frowned a little, realising that it might be a window. I stood and pulled on the bathrobe, walking quickly but quietly to the curtain. My fingers caught the thick fabric and hesitated, wondering if there was a secret behind it. “Don’t be ridiculous.” I dared to speak aloud, though quietly to myself. “Just pull… It… Back!”

There was dust, but there was also a window. A window with a beautiful view. A window with a beautiful view of the Northern Lights, blues and greens dancing in the cool Alaskan air. I gasped and stood against the window, my hand splayed out across the glass, trying to touch them.

There was a shuffle behind me and I turned my head just enough to see him in my peripheral vision. “Isn’t it beautiful?” David merely nodded at my observation, his body clad in no more than a small fluffy towel. I turned my attention back to the window, staring out at the display.

There was little noise behind me as David settled himself into bed, the springs creaking quietly at his sudden weight. I sighed and let the curtain fall back into place, feeling chilled after looking out into the snow and ice. Dropping my robe onto the chair beside the bed, I pulled back the duvet and climbed in carefully, nervously preparing myself to speak.

I wasn’t sure what to say. Was I to explain that I was socially handicapped? Or was I just ignore what had transpired? I looked toward him, noting that he was in a relaxed position; his hands were tucked beneath his head, his eyes trained on the ceiling. My voice was very low when I spoke. “I’m sorry.”

He looked to me, his blue eyes dark with irritation. “Why?” One of his hands came from behind his head and he propped himself so that he was leaning toward me.

I looked down at the design on the coverlet, some kind of paisley design, and took a deep breath. “About… Outside. I wasn’t prepared for that.”

His expression became nonchalant as he relaxed and lay back, his hands coming together behind his head again. “It was nothing. I said I wanted to try something. I tried it, and that was that.”

I turned to stare at him. “So you didn’t mean anything by it? Nothing at all?” I suppose my words were a little harsh, considering I had just apologised for not reciprocating his gesture. But it sounded a lot like he was just using me, and that hurt.

He sighed, a hand brushing over his face before returning to behind his head. “I didn’t mean it like that. I meant that if you weren’t interested, that doesn’t bother me. I was judging your reaction.” I felt really exposed, and really stupid at that moment. He was judging me? What does that mean? His head turned to face me and I frowned, his smirk warning me of a possible snide comment. “You warned me about the psychotherapy. I should have known.”

My mouth opened and words formed before I could stop them. “No, that wasn’t it.”

His head tilted to one side, waiting for me to continue. I refused to speak, instead deciding to lay down and pull the duvet right up around me, turning so that my back was toward him. I didn’t need his body heat to warm me. I didn’t need to embarrass myself further. 

The light was sucked from the room as he turned off the lamp again and pulled me back toward him, his lips making their way to my ear as his hands caught my waist. “If that wasn’t it, then can I try again?”

My breath was shaky as it left my lungs, my heart hammering against my chest. Oh god, could he feel my heartbeat? He probably could. I didn’t answer but didn’t fight against him as he turned me around to face him in the bed, his arms still wrapped around me, my breathing stopping completely, as I stared this man in the eye. Again.

This time, there was nothing slow about him leaning toward me. His face met mine almost painfully, his nose hitting against mine as his lips touched mine, his hands gripping my waist similarly to how Liquid had, but I couldn’t compare that to this. Liquid’s grip was an attempt to control me, to manipulate my feelings so that he could get information from me.

David’s hold… Was different. His mouth moulded to mine so perfectly, so achingly perfect, that when I finally got over the fact that he was kissing me again and responded, it was surreal. His fingers gripped my hips to pull me closer, to grind my pelvic bone against his. That was until one of his hands came up to catch the back of my head, to bury itself into my hair to pull my face closer, as his tongue timidly touched my lips and surprised me into opening my mouth.

It was the strangest thing, his tongue meeting mine. It was warm and soft and so intimate; I felt slightly dizzy at the sensation, and when he pulled away I gasped for air. His lips fell to my throat and began suckling at my pulse, and my eyes closed of their own accord, the strange but arousing feeling of his lips and tongue against my bare flesh making my knees shake and my groin ache. This was nothing like what I had done in high school.

I heard a moan and then a chuckle, David’s breath hitting the wet spot on my neck causing goose-bumps in the cool temperature of the room. It dawned on me a second later that the moan was me, and I blushed with embarrassment. He pulled away from me, leaving me breathless and confused and so achingly aroused that I almost pulled him back toward me.

“And _that_ was our long-awaited love-scene.”

He sounded so proud, so smug, so… Satisfied. I was anything but. He didn’t fall back onto his side of the bed, instead looking down at me in amusement. His eyes were too dark, full of emotion. My sudden shyness was long-forgotten as I gripped his hair and pulled his face back down to mine, my eyes closing immediately.

David was concerned when he broke our kiss, but he didn’t move away. “Meryl, we can’t do anything with Sandra and John downstairs.”

Sandra and John. The cabin. Alaska.

I had completely lost track of time and our surroundings. I groaned with disappointment, pushing him away and turning my back toward him. “Don’t touch me again then. Tease.” He didn’t say anything. I decided to chance looking back, hopefully to see that he had fallen asleep, but he hadn’t. He was smirking at me. I was suddenly very self-conscious “What?”

His face remained unchanged, but he sounded relieved when he spoke again. “I have Meryl back.” His arms wrapped around my middle again as he pulled himself toward me, holding me like he had done the night before. But he didn’t have the excuse of being worried I had hypothermia anymore. This time, it was different.


	3. Analysis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So my life got really busy over the past two weekends and I haven't had the time or the energy to upload the way I wanted to. Originally, I wanted to update this story every week (On a Thursday or Friday), but that hasn't gone to plan. 
> 
> My updates will be sporadic as I am returning to work next week, but I will keep going with this story. I know exactly how I want it to finish, and I want to see it through. I hope you're buckled in and ready! 
> 
> Also, I'm only quickly reading this over as I post it. Ignore any and all spelling/grammar mistakes, I will revise and edit them later. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

* * *

I didn’t sleep much that night. David’s comment echoed in my mind, making me question whether or not he _had_ Meryl back. As feisty as I might have acted back on the island, I wasn’t all that feisty in person.

I tried to be like my father, sarcastic and proud, intelligent and useful. But I wasn’t really that much like him, I realised. And it didn’t matter how much I tried to be like him, it never worked. Mine and David’s conversation from the ladies’ room was still bouncing around my head, aching my temples and bringing tears to my eyes. He had asked if I had done it, if I was a soldier, like my father had been. And my answer was still the same: I was running. I was using my fallen father as an anchor, using his personality to cover up the fact that I didn’t know who _I_ was. I needed to be more like myself. Not my loud and feisty father, not my shy and timid mother; I needed to be _me_.

But what was I? 

My reaction to Dave confused me. I had never been that eager before, ever. I didn’t know how to love, or how to show affection… That wasn’t something I had seen much of growing up. My mother was passive when she got the letter from the military explaining that he had been killed. She never spoke about him, or even had his photo in the house. The only photo of our family on display in our home had the four of us; mom, dad, Uncle Roy and me.

My mom was as useless at showing her feelings as I was. So I was determined to be better than her.

We left a little before dawn the next morning, the sun creeping up over the icy lake in the distance, creating a warm orange sunrise as we set off on the snowmobile once again. I hugged David close to me, appreciating the smell of whatever shampoo he used in Sandra’s and John’s cabin. It was woodsy and earthy; it suited him perfectly.

I brought a hand to my lips to touch where he had eagerly pressed his against them, just before we left. We hadn’t spoken a word to each other as we dressed, the clothes from Sandra still much too big for me and the clothes from John fitting David perfectly. Jeans and flannel shirts, for both of us. Neither of us spoke a word as we moved stealthily down the stairs to the front door, leaving quietly in the still morning. It wasn’t until we were both on the mobile, jackets on, helmets secured, that he turned around and pressed his mouth to mine, a small smile on his lips as he pulled away and started the engine.

The cold slowly receded as time went on, the air not quite as sharp as it passed over my face. David had asked for a pair of snow goggles and wore them as we drove along, passing Caribou and other animals that I didn’t have a chance to ask about, small villages and lone cabins.

After a few hours, we pulled over in a small village, into a small diner. The village was no bigger than a few cabins strewn about the snowy road we had been following, the diner an elongated cabin with big windows. There was silence when we first entered the building, eyes on David as he led me over to a table and sat me down. The customers slowly re-entered their conversations as a server walked over, a coffee pot in hand.

She stopped a foot away from our table, interrupting our silent conversation. “Hey Dave. You doing okay?” He pointedly looked at me and nodded, holding my gaze as he did. The waitress seemed to accept this as a reply, and continued speaking. “So what can I get for you both?”

“Something edible.” Dry humour. Nice one Dave.

She nodded and walked back into the kitchen area. I slowly released the breath I had been holding, only just realising that I’d held it. “You’re pretty well known around here, huh?” David frowned a little at this.

“What do you mean?” Apart from his smart response to the server, this was the first time I’d heard his voice since the night before. It was soft, gentle. Still as rough and grisly as it usually was, but not quite as abrupt. He was using his “indoor voice”, as my mom would call it.

I settled myself into my seat, crossing my legs and resting my elbows on the table. “Everyone knows you.” He raised an eyebrow. “Like… Sandra, and John. That girl…” My voice faded as I noticed a smirk grace his features, and a slight frown crossed my own. “What?”

His response was immediate as he leaned toward me, his arms laying on the table, his fingers entwining together. “Are you jealous?”

I laughed in his face. “Not one bit.” His eyes lost their shine and he leaned back slightly. His features didn’t change, but I could tell from his dimmed irises that he was a little put out by my answer. “I don’t need to be jealous. As far as I see it, I’m gonna have you all to myself.” The look of surprise that crossed his face was priceless. I picked up the flimsy menu on the table and hid my slightly flushed face from view, trying to distract myself with pastas and stews.

He cleared his throat a moment later, and his next statement threw my composure. “Tell me about your family.” I met his gaze over the top of the flimsy plastic, confused. “I know your uncle, and you said your father is dead. Is there anyone else?”

I dropped my menu, suddenly serious. “Yes. But why are _you_ asking about them?”

Dave plucked the menu from where it landed and inspected it carefully. “Don’t people usually ask each other these things?” I nodded slowly, despite him being distracted. “Besides, you asked me something similar in the Commander’s Room.”

I did. But that was in response to what Psycho Mantis had said. I refrained from being rude, and replied to him. “Yeah, sure they do.”

He waited a moment. Then looked up when I didn’t speak. “Was I being nosey?”

My giggle was girly and irritating. “No Dave, you’re not being nosey.” We stared at each other, weirdly comfortable with the silence between us. Eventually, I broke and looked down at the grotty table. “My mother. She’s the only other family I have. I’m an only child.”

His hum was contemplative, as he mulled over this information. “I was raised by many people, like I told you.” My eyes found his as he spoke, waiting for more about him. “I was raised as an only child, through the foster care system.”

I didn’t make a sound. I wasn’t about to ruin the progress we were making by saying something stupid. Just as he was about to continue speaking, the waitress returned with two plates of food.

“So we have reindeer dogs and fries for today. What drinks can I get for you?” She placed the meals in front of us both, the steam rising from the large hotdogs covered in onions. David probably wouldn’t continue now, I was sure of it. I vaguely heard him asking for water, but I paid him no heed as I thought over what he said.

As soon as the server walked away, I voiced my thoughts. “Liquid was your brother, right?” My question was stupid, I knew that. They were obviously related, in some way.

At this, Dave winced. “Of sorts.” I frowned, but didn’t press him any further. Instead, I looked down at the hotdog and started pushing the onions off the meat with a fry. Feeling his questioning stare, I didn’t bother to look up as I mumbled “I don’t eat onions”.

We ate in silence, and set off again after eating. They also offered us some chocolate bread as a dessert, but I declined. I was much too eager to eventually get as far as David wanted, eager to get to his home and relax. 

Dave and I used the bathrooms before we set off again, a liberty neither of us had during the mission. My body was surely going to complain about the sudden carbs I had consumed, but I wasn’t concerned about that. I stared hard at myself in the mirror, much like I had done in the storage building. Only this time, I was analysing myself.

“You’re dead.” My voice was low, as I chewed these words and spat them out. “Roy declared us dead back on the island. You have a new chance at life.” It didn’t feel right. It didn’t feel real. I splashed water on my face before returning to the dining area, and found David standing by the doors. 

He didn’t greet me, merely nodded at my smile, waiting until we were both sat on the snowmobile again. “I contacted Otacon. He’s doing okay.”

I paused, my hands trailing his stomach as I moved around him to face him little better. “You did? Where is he?” The extractions had been a success!

David’s stomach tensed under my touch as he took in a breath to answer with. “Nearby actually. He has a plan for the future.”

I nodded in response to this. “Good for him.” I was genuinely happy for the scientist but something had struck me as odd. David had referred to him as Otacon, not Hal or Doctor Emmerich. Wasn’t that the codename he had given him? I shrugged my shoulders, and David felt it.

“Everything okay?” I snuggled into his back a little more, hugging him tighter.

“Perfect.”

* * *

It was dark again when we happened upon David’s home. It was a small wooden cabin, on the edge of a lake, with a nice little porch and a great big wire fence. I stood off the mobile and stretched, my arms and legs exhausted from the journey. David walked me up to the front door to where a small rock sat on the window next to it. And hey presto, that where David hid his spare key. _Genius_.

Even before the door was opened I could smell something was off.

Pungent, stale.

_Alcohol_.

I paused, staring hard at David as he turned the key and pushed open the door. The scent was stronger. I recoiled a little, unprepared for what lay behind his door. 

He walked in immediately and I followed slowly, watching as he turned on the lights to illuminate the mess he called a home. There were bottles on every available surface, and an old pizza box on his small table. Picking up one of the glass bottles, I soon realised what the smell was. Vodka.

“I didn’t really stay here much.” His voice was suddenly too loud for where we were. I nodded, looking down at the floor uncomfortably. I suddenly felt embarrassed, embarrassed to be in someone else’s home _alone_ with them. He must have misunderstood my silence, because he looked a little uncomfortable himself. “Upstairs is much tidier. I’ll clean up tomorrow.” And he strolled toward the stairs. His cabin was a lot like Sandra and John’s, just messier. But oddly empty. 

There was the small hallway area as you entered, and to our left, a closed door. To the right was his dining area, and in the back of the cabin was his kitchen. He even had a back door, which Sandra and John did not have.

I followed after him when I was finished looking around and found that he was right about upstairs being tidier. The bedroom was upstairs, with plain bedsheets on the double bed and a small chair covered with the same clothes that Dave was wearing. This was acceptable compared to downstairs though.

“Are you hungry?” His question caught me off-guard. I met his gaze after looking around the room, suddenly aware that he must be a drinker. Our conversation from the day before came to mind and as I stared around his small home, I realised that this was his way of coping.

Did he feel guilty when he killed someone? No. Because he drank until he couldn’t remember.

I finally remembered his question and swallowed thickly. “No, I’m good.” Then, as an afterthought. “Are you?” He shook his head as he made to take off his shirt. Okay, so we were going straight to sleep then. We both undressed and I decided I would wash in the morning. I was feeling much too lazy. 

David slipped under the sheets first, pulling them back fully to invite me in. I giggled like a child, crawling up into the middle of the large bed to snuggle with him. His arms wrapped themselves around me protectively, and I pushed my face into his warm chest. I’d never felt more welcome.

* * *

Awareness. Then a noise. There was a grunt in my ear as the bed swayed slightly. I jerked awake, remembering the last time I had woken to weird sounds and movements. My stomach felt hollow as I lay there, wondering if I was genuinely awake or waking into a nightmare. There was no weight on my body, but I heard the grunt again.

_Snake_.

I cursed at myself.

_He’s David, there’s no need to call him Snake anymore._

His leg hit off mine and I gasped. It didn’t hurt me; it was more from surprise that I made a sound at all. Dave sounded like he was choking as I sat up and looked over at him. His face was contorted with pain, his mouth ajar as his hands involuntarily flinched and tried to _grab_ someone.

_He was having a nightmare._

My legs curled up under my body as I gripped the bedsheets closest to me and watched him. A hand reached out, a leg flicked at an invisible enemy; his eyebrows pinched together and he made another strangled noise, both hands clambering at an invisible hand at his throat.

This continued for the rest of the night, until his eyes finally opened, weary and bloodshot, a little after dawn. My own eyes were probably the same way, having watched him for so long. He swallowed and looked over to me, his eyes opening wide when he saw how I was sat on the bed. David sat up quickly, looking me over. “What’s wrong?” Taking stock of his surroundings, he looked down at himself before looking back up at me. “Did I hurt you?”

The terror in his eyes scared me. He was more shaken by the possibility that he might have hurt me than he had been in his dreams. I shook my head slowly, resting it on my raised knees when I had shaken it sufficiently. “No Dave, you didn’t hurt me.” I softened my gaze, hoping to reassure him. “Are you okay?” 

His expression was torn between wanting to ignore the problem and wanting to address it. I could see that he was battling with himself over how much to tell me, and I didn’t want him to put himself out.

I dropped the bedsheets that I had gripped so carefully to my chest and crawled over to him, much to his confusion. I pushed him so that he lay down again, wrapping my arms around him the same way he had done for me when we settled down first. My head fell comfortably onto his chest as his arms pulled me closer to him.

“My father used to have night terrors.” 

The sound of my own voice in the quiet room made me feel nervous. It seemed to echo off the empty walls, devoid of any photographs or paintings. “I would hear him sometimes, and go sit with him in his room. He didn’t always know I was there, but he calmed a little. I didn’t know if I would comfort you, so I thought to just let you be.”

There was silence for a long time. A clock chiming somewhere downstairs was all I could hear, along with Dave’s breathing. By the time he chose to speak, I had been on the brink of sleep.

“It’s a coping mechanism.”

I frowned and turned to face him. He refused to look at me, instead choosing to stare at the curtains on the opposite side of the room. “The alcohol.” Oh. OH. He _knew_ what he was doing. “If I drank myself into a stupor, I wouldn’t dream.” His hand came up to his face, rubbing at it fiercely. “I know I look like a mess, but I feel I’m going to do better this time.” 

My next move was either going to be adorable or annoying, but I was aiming for the more positive reaction. I moved slightly so that I could kiss his nose, and earned myself a small smile and an awkward peck on the lips in return. 


	4. Progress

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I apologise for the sporadic updates. I've completely lost track of time because of the pandemic. 
> 
> I hope this chapter is okay! I wrote it such a long time ago now. Thank you to all the readers who have read and left kudos so far! I'm really enjoying getting back into this story again.

* * *

My fingers sank into the smooth plastic of a bin liner as I helped Dave the following morning. We walked around the entire ground floor of his cabin the day after we arrived, collecting glass bottles in a large box and dumping the papers and cardboards in a big black sack. His hand brushed against mine several times during this feat, even when I thought contact wasn’t strictly necessary. And something about the smirk on his face as he did it made me think that he thought it wasn’t necessary either.

We had woken up at around eleven. The sun was quite high, piercing through his thin curtains and bleaching the floorboards in his room. His form had leapt out of bed first, grabbing a shirt from his small press in the corner and a pair of blue jeans from the chair in the room. My mouth opened to speak, but a flannel shirt was thrown over my head before I could form words.

“We’ll go shopping in a while, and get you some things.”

I nodded through the cotton and dressed in his large shirt, tying the open ends around my middle. And that was how I walked around his home, large flannel and underwear, dancing around broken glass and old, mouldy pizza.

It was surreal. We were like a couple; I was wearing his clothes and we were doing housework together. After a brief lunch, for which Dave made us sandwiches from bread he had frozen and some jam he found in the fridge, he told me to put on my jeans. “It doesn’t matter if they’re dirty,” was his reply to my argument, “they’re about to get dirtier.”

I frowned at that, wondering where this was going. What did he mean? I followed, fascinated, as he took a lump of stale meat from the fridge and strolled to the back door. “I’ll clean that too, don’t worry.” He flashed me a reassuring smirk and I smirked in return, having faith that he wouldn’t put new food into a filthy refrigerator. “Brace yourself.”

I sucked in a breath, not sure what to expect. The door opened and the cold air filtered in, as did six wolf-dogs. I squealed with excitement as they each began to jump up on Dave, ignoring the meat in his hands and jumping instead to welcome their owner home. After he petted them all, he waited for a moment before casually asking them to sit.

All six fell back onto their haunches, ears cocked and heads tilted to wait for their owner’s instructions. He tore the meat into six similar sized pieces and handed one each to the dogs, each one whining slightly as a ‘thank you’ before tucking in.

I carefully reached out and stroked one’s fur. It was soft, despite being outside for so long.

“They have an insulated kennel outside.” David was watching me. “That one’s a female. The rest are male. Siblings.” I crouched down beside the female, who had finished her piece of meat first. Her eyes were an icy-blue colour, but they were warm and full of curiosity. My hand found her head again, and as I pet her, her eyes closed in relaxation.

“They’re beautiful…” My words were whispered, afraid to distract the animals from their eating. I carefully sat cross-legged on the floor beside the wolf-dogs and continued to pet the female. The happy noise that came from her throat as well as the accompanying head-butt made me giggle a little, childishly, as I hugged her back.

David watched for a while, before whistling and ordering for them to go back outside. “I have more. I put them into a kennel system while I was gone.” His denim blue eyes looked back to me and he smirked. “I told you I was good with dogs.”

Laughter bubbled in my chest but I refused to laugh aloud, choosing instead to nod and agree with him. It was only after he had scrubbed the refrigerator clean with baking soda and I had swept and mopped the floors that he mentioned going into town.

“Port Alsworth is a ways away, but if we leave now, we should be back before midnight.” Wow, before _midnight_. What an enticing idea.

But then again, I didn’t need to get up early for anything, so it didn’t matter much what time we went to bed at, or what time we woke up the following morning. And I did want to see a town here in rural Alaska. So I agreed.

David got out the dogsled and attached all six dogs, each of them standing proud and tall in their assigned harness while I put on my jeans. When I emerged from the cabin a few moments later, the dogs were all excited to see me again. Their tails were wagging and they jumped a little each, shaking the sled. I went and pet each one of them, earning a lick of appreciation from them all.

Dave warned me that we shouldn’t travel as fast because there were two of us on the sled, but it would still be quick. I rolled my eyes, stupidly, thinking it couldn’t be as fast as the snowmobile. He stood on first, taking a hold of the reins and tugging on them to make sure they were all properly attached. Then he turned around and held out his hand, inviting me to stand with him.

His hand was warm when I placed mine in his, which was weird considering how cold it was outside. I remembered Liquid in his trench coat and shivered, deciding that they definitely shared that trait. David manoeuvred me so that I stood in front of him, looking out over the dogs. I held onto the sides of the sled as a precaution, as we took off slowly from the front of his home. The dogs barked at each other in encouragement, and soon we were _flying_. After maybe several minutes, I was scared enough to grab his arms as we sped past trees and other hardy shrubbery.

True to his word, we arrived in Port Alsworth within a few hours. The town was tiny, on the edge of a big, beautiful lake. As he tied the sled and the dogs to a building, I looked around, wondering where the town was. There was nothing there. It seemed smaller than the village we had stopped at the week before. There were several cabins dotted along the river, many of them about the size of David’s or only slighter larger. None of them were any bigger than having two bedrooms.

“Come on.” His hand gripped mine and I was pulled along into a medium-sized cabin that I soon realised was a clothes store. The lady inside was layered with warm clothes, and she gave us a warm smile as we walked in.

“Welcome! What can I help you with today?” I was nudged forward, Dave’s hand on the small of my back gently pushing me toward the woman. Her face was worn from years in the sun, wrinkles creasing around her mouth as she smiled at me. Her hair was wiry and grey, held back by a small black clip. Her maxi skirt brushed along the floor as she swayed on her feet, her thick brown jacket rolled up a little on the sleeves.

David pushed me forward again, and I staggered toward the table she was standing behind. “I… Um… I need something to wear.” I didn’t know what else to say, so that was all I could come up with. The woman rounded the table and took me by the arm, and with a large smile led me toward the back of the small cabin. Mumbling about warm clothes for the Alaskan winter, she brought me to a long table covered with those same plaid shirts that everyone else was wearing. There were black ones, red ones, even pink ones, which I frowned at. I hated pink.

“Now dearie, I’m assuming you haven’t been here for very long. Take a few shirts, I’m sure Dave will cover the bill.” She gave him a wink and he smirked in return, and I stood dumb for a moment before fingering a thick black shirt. “There are denim jeans in the back too, and skirts if that’s what you prefer. Have a good, long look around now. And don’t pack lightly, pack enough to last you.”

I nodded and moved around carefully, picking up clothes in what looked like my size and making my way to the jeans area. David had disappeared into another part of the cabin, though I wasn’t sure at first how he managed to. The cabin was really too small to disappear inside.

Sighing, I picked up four pairs of jeans; two dark denim, one light denim and one regular blue, before making my way toward the counter-top the lady was stood at. In the small room behind the table was a computer and using that computer, was David.

I frowned and titled my head, unsure of what to do or say. The woman logged each of the items of clothing into her till and wrote down the price, then proceeded to fold everything and place them carefully into a large paper bag. “I’ll give Dave the bill when he’s ready. He’s checking his emails.”

I nodded once and sighed again, tugging the loose shirt I wore closer to my body as I looked around the rest of the shop. There were plenty of warm hats, lined with fleece or wool, and I impulsively picked one up. It was a bottle green, and warm beneath my fingers. That’s when I decided to buy two. One for him, and one for me.

He finished a few minutes later, raising an amused eyebrow at the hat I gifted him with, (With his own money, but it was the thought that counted) and paid for everything without a problem. It wasn’t until we were back out at the sled, packing away the clothes before I asked if everything was okay.

“When I last spoke to Otacon, he told me to check my email. He’s still okay.” He was tying down the bag as he spoke, nodding with satisfaction when he finished. “We’ll buy some food now, too. So we have some in the house.” I agreed and followed him to another cabin, wondering why he still called Doctor Emmerich by his code-name. Unless, it was a nick-name? Were they really that close already?

When we finished buying groceries in the impossibly small shop and headed back to the sled, he motioned for me to tie down the bags as he watched quietly. Too quietly. My head tilted upward, expecting him to be watching me, but instead I found that he was staring at another cabin behind us. The sun had begun to set on the horizon, and the windows of the cabin were illuminated by a dim yellow light. The smell of alcohol hit me as a customer left the cabin David was watching, and I acted on instinct.

My hand reached out and gently took his in mine. He jumped in surprise, turning to look at me with a guilty expression evident on his face. “No, Dave.” That was all I said, whispering gently into the cool evening air. He took his time replying, only giving me a nod in response, before untying the dogs and preparing them for our return journey.

* * *

We arrived home long after dark. While David brought the dogs back into their small yard, I started bringing the bag of food into the cabin. When I brought in the bag of clothes, I found that Dave had started cooking dinner.

He had admitted to me in the grocery cabin that he didn’t know much about cooking, but as I watched him heating water over the stove for ramen noodles, I sighed a little to myself. Sorting quickly through his crockery cupboards, I found a chopping board and a cutting knife, before finding some of the produce I had made him buy and chopping it up on the countertop near the sink.

The heat from his body was beside mine in an instant, and I tensed up a little, then relaxed. “What are you doing?” His gruff voice was gentle, curious. Had he never added vegetables to his noodles before?

“I’m chopping up veggies. Here, this one’s a carrot.” I held it up for him to see and he scowled, pushing my hand back down toward the chopping board.

“I know what carrots are…” As though he had just processed my actions, his scowl lifted and he shook his head, letting out a little chuckle. “I see.”

With the carrots chopped, I scooped them up and dumped them into another pot of water before David placed it on the stove. “Do you like chicken?” I had to be cautious. He had seemed desperate for a drink earlier in Port Alsworth, and I wasn’t sure how I should bring it up. Or if I should at all.

His eyes settled on mine as he contemplated my question, then nodded. The stormy blue of his eyes didn’t leave mine as I fumbled with the refrigerator door and tried to find the chicken breast we had bought. Eventually I found it, and broke our eye contact as I dropped it onto the chopping board.

It was unsettling, the emotion in his eyes. I had never seen someone look so anguished before. The night terror he had experienced the night before flitted before my eyes and I squeezed them shut, unable to cope with the thrashing and grunting in my memory. I had wanted to help him. But I didn’t know how.

David had moved away from the kitchen area while I had been processing this information, so I checked on the noodles as well as the carrots. The chicken was in such small bites that it would only take a few minutes to boil, so I added it to the vegetables and watched it cook slowly. When I turned around, I found that he had tidied his small table so that we could sit down together to eat. I smirked at the sweet gesture, wishing the food would cook quicker. 

“So I was curious about something.” His grisly voice filtered through the air and I smiled, tilting my head in response. I strained the chicken and carrots and added them to the noodles, as he took down two bowls from a cupboard. “When Mantis was controlling you in the Commander Room… Was he projecting your thoughts? Or was he just trying to distract me?”

For a moment, I was confused. What had been said or done in the Commander’s Room? Did he mean my pressing my gun to my head?

When it came back to me a moment later, my blood ran cold.

Mantis knew before I did. And he made me say that to Snake… Or David. I shook my head in response to the mistake I made in my head, but Dave thought I meant that I didn’t remember.

“When you held me at gunpoint and asked me to make love to you?”

_Oh good God, he said it out loud._

I almost dropped the pot as I struggled to serve up the noodles into the two bowls carefully. “I remembered it, but thanks for saying it out loud.” I scoffed. “I also remember Mantis saying that you didn’t like girls. Was he projecting your thoughts too, or was he trying to distract you?”

David’s jaw dropped in shock as I spoke. I don’t think that comment had even registered with him when Mantis said it. His shock soon turned into a smirk as he took the now full bowls and placed them on the table, alongside two forks.

“Now that you mention it, I do remember that. I think he was trying to insult me.” Now it was my turn to laugh as I took a seat at the table.

“ _Wow_ , what an insult.” I rolled my eyes. “I think he was more annoyed that you weren’t more flustered by what I said.” My words registered in my mind just as I said them and I held up a hand to correct myself. “Well, what he said _through_ me.”

Dave smirked and chuckled a little, preparing a mouthful of noodles on his fork. “You still didn’t answer my question.”

I raised an eyebrow. “But I did. I thought we established that it was all a distraction?”

His smirk grew into a smile, his eyes dropping to his fork. “If that night at John and Sandra’s was anything to go by, it wasn’t just a distraction.”

My appetite long forgotten, I stared across the table at him as he took a hesitant mouthful of the noodles I had helped him prepare. Did he just refer to the night that _he_ instigated? He grunted in appreciation and took another mouthful of the dinner, completely oblivious to my combination of embarrassment and irritation.

“You started something you couldn’t finish. Don’t blame that on me.”

His head popped up from his bowl in surprise, fork in mid-air, as he watched me take my first mouthful of food and pointedly look away from him.

This all felt so… Domestic. My parents didn’t have this dynamic when I was younger. They didn’t have the opportunity.

Dave didn’t reply to my comment. He finished his meal in silence, waited for me to finish mine, and then stopped me from washing my bowl. “Leave it.” was all he said, before making his way upstairs. I followed carefully, wondering if I had offended him. I decided I would apologise to him once we were in bed. Perhaps he would feel a little less annoyed once he was comfortable?

He bathed first, appearing from the bathroom in his ridiculously small towel in record time. I had mine next, taking my time in the scalding water. When I eventually left the bathroom, I was wearing one of the small tee shirts I had bought in the clothes shop, as well as a new pair of panties. They were a deep blue colour, which reminded me of Dave’s eyes. But more importantly, I felt clean for the first time in weeks. My thigh was still tender, but not painfully sore as I wrapped another bandage around it timidly. My arm was also healing fast, but I wrapped that too, just in case.

He was already in the bed when I slipped under the covers carefully, so I was a little concerned that I had indeed offended him downstairs. Before I could open my mouth to speak, he pulled me against him, his fingers gripping my waist and pulling me flush against his body. I could feel the heat rising in my face as I stared at him in confusion and embarrassment, which was only amplified when his lips met mine. He was gentle at first, but like at John and Sandra’s cabin, he became more intense. That was when I realised….

“I can finish now.”


	5. Questions and Answers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I am so so sorry to anyone reading this and wondering when the next update was going to happen, if at all. I haven't had any time to write or post in the past month because I've returned to work, and I was getting plenty of hours due to one of my supervisors taking leave. He's coming back next week, so I'll have time to write again! 
> 
> I hope this chapter is okay. I wrote it months ago now, and while I gave it a quick glance, I cannot guarantee it reads well. Also, thank you again Bleu for your unwavering support! I will definitely have a look at this chapter and the last chapter when I edit next week sometime! 
> 
> I think this is fluff and a little bit of angst? Idk. Let me know what you think!  
> ~  
> EDITED to add the chapter name. I can't believe I forgot that, smh.

* * *

_“I can finish now.”_

His grunt against my lips sent a tingle down my spine. One of his hands strayed from my waist to run through my hair, still damp from my bath. I could feel him pressing his waist into mine as he continued to assault my mouth, a feeling I was still getting used to.

A thought crossed my mind just then. A thought that distracted me enough to push him away from me slightly, my eyes opening wide to see him. His eyes opened too, confusion clouding them. “Are you sure about this?”

His face pulled into a frown, and his hands loosened their grip. “You don’t want to.”

I rolled my eyes. “That’s not what I said. I asked if you were sure about doing this.” His hands retracted completely from my body as he pulled away, looking down at the bedsheets. “Look, Dave, I didn’t mean to-“

“If I wasn’t sure, would I have _started something_ , as you put it earlier? Both times?”

My stomach churned bile, making me nauseous. I suppose he had a point there, but my worry was bigger than that.

“Are you sure I’m not your new alcohol?”

Blue eyes widened, then narrowed as he processed this question. His mouth opened to speak, then shut again. He sat upright in the bed, staring into the empty room, a small grunt leaving him as he contemplated my query. His jaw was clenched. He sat in that position for a while, his breathing unsteady.

Guilt settled into the pit of my stomach. But I knew Solid Snake did not have a reputation for being promiscuous. This behaviour was unlike anything I had heard about him. And although this man before me was called David, it was still the man my uncle had known.

I pulled myself into a sitting position, wondering if I could reach out to him, touch him. Even just his shoulder, or his arm, to remind him that he wasn’t alone anymore. To remind him that he didn’t have to deal with those memories or feelings alone.

Eventually, after what felt like forever, he turned back to me; his breathing finally normal, jaw unclenched. “No, you’re not.”

It was cold in the room. It clung to my exposed arms and made me shiver slightly, and I tucked the duvet up around my neck. “I’m sorry.”

He clearly wasn’t expecting me to say that. His eyebrow raised, indicating that he was waiting for me to continue. “I didn’t mean to offend you, I…” I trailed off, my eyes slipping closed. It was easier for me to admit this without looking at him. “I guess… I’m feeling a little self-conscious.”

Dave’s gentle gruff voice repeated what I said in question, and I shook my head. “I… Was never popular with boys, so I didn’t put myself in a position to be _with_ a boy. So when you… When you want… It doesn’t make any sense to me.” The cool air in the room made my damp hair feel colder, and I brought a hand up to ruffle it a little. I also thought of the guard back at Shadow Moses and his actions, which made my stomach churn again. “So I assume that you need something else other than alcohol, a distraction, from the memories. From the nightmares.”

My eyes were still closed, but I could hear the scepticism in his voice when he spoke. “You really think that?” I nodded and turned my head to the side, not trusting myself to reply coherently. His gruff voice was calmer now. “You _are_ a distraction. But not that kind of distraction.”

It was here that I opened my eyes, finding his tired expression across the bed from me. “I am but I’m not? What’s _that_ supposed to mean?”

His smirk returned, and relief washed through me. But I still wanted to know what he meant. I shuffled toward him on the bed, earning a look of confusion from the man in front of me. “Tell me what you mean by that!”

His eyes went dark, like the evening back in Sandra’s cabin, but a smirk traced his lips. “You have a cute butt.”

My head tilted to the side like a dog’s at this comment. Another line similar to this flooded through my mind, and I flushed with embarrassment: _‘Not with the way you walk.’_

_Hadn’t he also said that about my ass in the bathroom on Shadow Moses? I thought he was joking with me!_

“You’ve been eyeing me up this whole time!” His smirk was unapologetic, as he shrugged and lay back down. “Hey! You can’t dismiss me like that!” My knees nearly hit him as I shuffled closer again, my hands resting on my hips in irritation.

“You’ve already ruined one of my plans for tonight. Now I want to sleep, don’t make me lose out on that too.” His eyes were closed, but I wasn’t going to ignore his comments about my butt. Even _if_ he made me feel guilty.

My hands gripped his shoulders and I shook him as I spoke: “You can’t spy on girls like that Dave! I know you were isolated, but that isn’t right. And going into the ladies’ bathroom? You’re a real cree-“

The flat of my back was suddenly on the bed and Dave was hovering calmly above me, his hands wrapped carefully around my wrists and his ankles draped over mine. My breathing slowed until I was barely taking in air, my face deepening in colour at this vulnerable position I found myself in. Dave stared down at me, his expression contemplative.

“Are _you_ sure about this?”

He asked me the question that I had asked him. I squirmed under his hold, but he didn’t budge. “David, let me up…”

He shook his head. “No, answer me first. If you weren’t self-conscious or worried about me, would you have stopped anyway?”

I looked away from his demanding stare, and looked at the pattern on the cabin wall. “No…” My voice was very small, but that was because I was embarrassed. My face was probably a deep shade of red at this point, to match my hair. I didn’t want him to look at me anymore.

I could feel his breath on my cheek as he leaned down toward me, my eyes flinching closed as he did. “Meryl, look at me.” The way he breathed my name made me shudder, and I turned my head toward him. His lips fell onto mine, fitting better now than he had managed so far, his hands coming up to cup my face as I kissed him back. He stopped, but did not move away, instead choosing to whisper the words “Trust me” onto my sensitive mouth. 

* * *

When my eyes fluttered open slowly the following morning, my first thought was to check my thigh and arm. David had tried to be gentle when he’d held me that night, and although I was aware of how hard he was gripping my wounds, it hadn’t bothered me. I reached down and found my thigh freshly wrapped and I stared at this for a moment, knowing it wasn’t me who did it. As I turned over to thank the man responsible, I froze.

Dave wasn’t in the bed beside me.

I sat up quickly and looked around, to find that his clothes and boots were gone. Confused, and a little worried, I pulled on some jeans and my coat before walking downstairs to find him.

I heard his gruff voice before I saw him: He was talking on the telephone in the kitchen. I didn’t even know he had a telephone. And especially not in his kitchen.

“I don’t know.”

He sounded business-like, almost like when we communicated on the codec, but thoughtful. I debated walking into the kitchen fully, wanting food, but unsure if he was okay with me hearing him on the phone. As though he could feel my presence, he turned and smiled at me, motioning for me to continue with what I was doing. I blushed and looked down at my feet, skipping into the kitchen with his eyes on my back.

Putting two slices of bread into his toaster, I leaned against the counter-top and watched as he spoke to whoever it was on the phone. “It’s good that you both made it to London safely. You’ve had a lot to deal with this past week.”

_London? Who was he talking to?_

The toast popped up and I jumped with surprise, squealing as I did. The sound of his grisly chuckle found my ears and I flushed again, embarrassed, while trying to open the small fridge for the butter. He made smaller grunts of affirmation, before reassuring the caller that he would “Let them know”, then placed the receiver on the hook.

It suddenly felt odd to me that the mobile phone was still a novel idea back home in America, yet we had inventions such as the codec that worked pretty well. There was also the concept of nanomachines, something else that was revolutionary but not used for everyday situations. 

“I didn’t mean to wake you.” His voice brought me out of my thoughts, as I stared at him in confusion. “The phone rang. I tried to answer it before you woke up.” He carefully took my toast from the toaster and placed them in front of me.

I nodded in understanding. “Ah, well I didn’t hear the phone. I noticed you were missing.” He grunted in reply, putting his own slices of bread into the toaster. “Who were you talking to?”

He paused, then resumed pushing down the plunger. “Otacon.”

“Ahh, I see.” I didn’t want to be nosey. I wasn’t friends with the doctor, I only knew him briefly from before the takeover. Dave didn’t seem to want to elaborate, so I finished buttering my toast in silence.

“I have a question.” His voice was muted when he spoke again, his mind preoccupied with the query he had. Toast in hand, I leaned against the worktop and motioned for him to continue, then took a bite of my toast. His voice stayed low. “What do you know about FoxDie?”

My crunching stopped. How _did_ I know about FoxDie? Or did I? Wracking my brain, I remembered slowly and through a fragmented memory that Liquid had mentioned other people dying of FoxDie at the base. “I don’t know anything about it. Liquid mentioned that it killed Decoy Octopus.”

Dave nodded at this and hummed as he pondered my answer. He spread jam onto his toast carefully, before taking a bite of it. “I’m infected with it.”

My eyes refused to move from a spot on the wall opposite me. “You mean… like a virus? Is it contagious?” He had decided to bring up this important piece of information after we’d been intimate and I was concerned, for sure. _Concerned_ was putting it lightly.

He sighed, a hand running through his hair. “No. Well, not in a conventional way. I mean…” He dropped his toast onto the worktop. “Baker and Anderson died after talking with me for a half hour. Liquid was pretty much the same.” Finally, his eyes met mine. “You’re safe, don’t worry.”

My body relaxed and I resumed eating my breakfast. “So it _targets_ people?”

His reply was instantaneous. “Yes. Apparently so.” He sighed again, his brows coming together as he focused on what he had to say. “I tried asking Naomi, but she said she wasn’t sure how it was going to affect me. It’s designed to target certain genes, mine are included but yours aren’t.”

That made sense. But why was he targeted? And also…

“Who’s Naomi?” My reply was supposed to sound interested, but I think it was more… Strained. David turned to face me with a knowing smirk, his blue eyes sparkling with amusement. I tried to resolve the misunderstanding quickly. “I’m just curious, is she someone working with my uncle?” My teeth gritted together and I found that I was more than just curious about this woman. I needed to know who she was, and why Dave knew her.

He bit into his toast, seemingly oblivious to my inner dialogue. “Yes, she works with your uncle.”

He chose not to elaborate. I shifted on the spot, my feet brushing along the tiling on the kitchen floor, his gaze heavy on my face. There was nothing but the sound of him biting his toast for a few minutes, my curiosity burning my throat as I waited.

“ _So_ … What does she do?” My voice was strained, again.

David’s smirk grew as he looked up at his ceiling, appearing thoughtful. “She’s a genealogist. She worked a little with Nastasha to give me information about the genome soldiers and nuclear technology.”

My interest was piqued once more. “Nastasha?”

“Yes. She’s a weapons expert. Gave me information about the nuclear warheads in the storage building.” He turned back toward me. “Should I mention Mei Ling?”

My toast was forgotten, growing cold in the palm of my hand as I glared at him. “So you _are_ a womaniser, I should have known.” Jealousy was getting the better of me, I knew that. But his previous comments on my appearance were still on my mind, and I wondered if he preferred working with women because they were easier to deal with than men.

This comment earned me an irritated scowl. “No.” He took my cold toast from my outstretched hand, and dropped it onto the countertop. Two more slices of bread were placed into the toaster as he spoke, keeping his voice level. “They were on the team before I was recruited. I didn’t choose who I worked with.” Here, he let out an irritated sigh. “Hell, I didn’t even get to decide if I _wanted_ the mission.”

This gave me pause. “Did Roy blackmail you?” He knew Snake from ‘way back’, meaning he might have had something on him to use as blackmail. I wondered what this might have been; was it the drinking problem? Was it just the fact that he kills for money?

A scoff. “No. He briefed me on the details while we travelled to Shadow Moses. Didn’t ask me, decided for me.” He was spreading butter on the newly toasted bread at this point, taking care to cover each corner as he did. “Naomi gave me a shot to prevent hypothermia. But in that shot were the nanomachines required for FoxDie to work.”

I took the toast he offered silently and chewed on it, thinking this over. Liquid had been irritated that Decoy Octopus died after talking to David, and he was also concerned about the genome soldiers on the base. That made me curious. “Why was Liquid worried about the genome soldiers? If the virus is supposed to target specific genes, why would the soldiers be affected?”

At this, Dave appeared shaken. “Liquid and I are brothers, of sorts.” There was a stagnant pause, one that felt nauseous and uncertain. My eyebrows pulled together at the feeling, worry catching my stomach. But somewhere in the back of my mind, I was a little smug. I told him that they could have been brothers. They looked the same. But his next comment made my insides run cold. “We’re clones, part of a genome experiment gone wrong.”

“Gone wrong?” I stared at him, wondering what he meant. He decided to say nothing more about the topic, instead declaring that he was going to cut some firewood outside. When the front door to the cabin closed quietly some time later, I looked down at the cold bread on the worktop, wondering how he had coped with this information before he had someone to talk to.

And then I remembered the alcohol. 


	6. Getting into the Swing of Things

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the huge delay in posting! I haven't had much feedback on the last chapter, so I can only assume everyone was disappointed in me chickening out on a pretty good scene. I'm just not confident writing those kinds of scenes YET so I might post Dave and Meryl's first time as a one-shot in the future. We'll see how that idea sits with people.
> 
> ANYWAY here is chapter six. Yes, we're moving slowly. That's kind of the point of this part of Meryl's life. Again, I know where this is going and I'm moving slowly with this, but we'll get there.
> 
> Eventually.

* * *

It was nearing mid-afternoon when I left the cabin. I was never much of a nature person, but I had to admit that being in such a beautiful place had changed my opinion. My boots sank into the foot of snow just outside the door, and I felt my mouth pull into a smile in response. David was on the periphery of my vision as I moved from the door, keeping stride as he placed a log on a stump and smacked at it with his axe, much like he had done for Sandra and John.

I moved to the left, in the opposite direction to where he was working.

His rhythm was interrupted and I wondered if he was going to follow me, but his chopping resumed after a long moment. I made my way to the lake near his home, tapping with my boot carefully on the thick ice, making sure not to put too much weight on it. I couldn’t imagine how cold the water would be if I fell in, and I wasn’t completely convinced that Dave would save me in his current mood.

I shivered involuntarily, my warmer clothes providing me with all the warmth I needed but the thought of drowning in freezing water while David chopped logs nearby chilling me. A dusting of snow fell as I walked around, my hands dropping into my deep pockets to keep warm and finding the hardened toast I had forgotten to eat earlier. That reminded me!

The snow was much thicker after the brief shower, and I trudged my way through a few feet of snow here and there to get to the back of the cabin. Perfectly protected by the cabin and wire fences was a large area, covered over with plastic sheeting, housing a large shed. And in front of the shed were two of David’s dogs.

They whimpered with interest as I approached the fencing, aware that I wanted to talk with them (Even if talking with a dog seems odd). David was long forgotten as I recognised the female, taking the bread from my pocket and tearing it carefully into several pieces. As I offered it to her, I heard the snow crunching behind me.

“They won’t eat that.”

I stilled, hoping for a bit of interest on the dog’s part. She sniffed at the bread, intrigued, before taking it from my hand and bringing it into the enclosure. I smirked triumphantly, praising her for taking it. However, to my dismay, she dropped it to the ground and licked at it slightly, then looked back up at me expectantly.

David chuckled at my expression of disbelief. “I told you they wouldn’t eat it.” 

I huffed and dropped the other pieces of bread to the ground, tucking my hands into my now crumb-lined pockets. “I didn’t want to waste it.”

He smirked, looking up into the sky as I sulked. “The birds will find it, don’t worry. It won’t be wasted.”

I followed his gaze, looking into the air and seeing a bird land within a cluster of trees. “You know a lot about nature, huh?”

His head turned toward me and he waited for clarification, but I gave him nothing. He didn’t deserve more information when he decided to give me only half the information earlier in the day. Instead, I turned and made my way through the thick snow to where he had been chopping the logs, looking around at the equipment and making my mind up.

“Dave, I want to help with…” As I turned around to address him, I noticed that he was staring at me from the dog enclosure. My face pulled into a frown. “What?”

His grunt was all I heard as he strode over to the chopping block with little effort. There was a sort of smile on his face when he approached, and I rolled my eyes. He was probably staring at my butt again. Typical.

His stance was neutral, which meant he didn’t notice my agitation. “You want to help with what? Chopping?” I nodded, and looked back at the axe he had been using, dropped into a deep snow drift. I refrained from bending over in front of him and knelt to retrieve it, standing awkwardly in front of a log. As I moved to hit the log, his arm grabbed onto mine.

Irritation hit me first. “Hey! Let me go!”

“You’re standing wrong.” His voice was passive, and I paused to stare at him. “You’re going to hurt yourself if you stand like that.” His hand moved from my arm to my upper left thigh and he moved it forward. “You’re right-handed. All your force is going to come from your right arm, so you need to balance yourself on your left leg to counteract the force of your right arm.” His hands both moved to mine, unclenching them and spreading them apart a little. My right hand was now further up the axe than my left.

Then he stood back, motioning with his hands that I could move again. “Swing away.”

I swung and hit the log in front of me full force, and watched as it anticlimactically fell from the tree stump in two pieces. But I laughed aloud, and waited patiently for him to place another log on the stump.

“You need to make sure that the flattest part of the log is sitting on the stump. It won’t stay still otherwise, and it might hit you when you cut it.” The axe swung down again and more chopped logs appeared beneath the stump.

I had plenty of upper body strength from all my training, but I had never used it in this way before. And this was fun. Really fun. I could imagine having an argument with David over something silly and needing to burn out the anger; I could just come out here for a few minutes and hit at some innocent logs, allowing myself the time to cool off.

The same funny feeling that I had felt the first time Dave and I ate food in his cabin hit me again and I staggered, the normality of our sudden living situation setting me off-balance. I turned around and didn’t see him anywhere, and I was glad that he didn’t notice my moment of weakness. But I also hadn’t realised that he had walked away from me, and I allowed myself the moment of loneliness that I felt. 

I placed the next log on the stump and hit at it, smirking when it fell away neatly. There was already a large pile of logs from when David had been chopping the logs, and now with my contribution there were more. As I placed another log on the stump, David appeared beside me, pulling a large wooden sled behind him.

“I think that’s enough for now. Let’s get them into the house.”

He grabbed at a few pieces of firewood and dropped them on the sled, which I recognised would cause mayhem later when he tried to fit more onto it. “No, no, wait…” I crouched beside the sled and began stacking them neatly, much to his amusement.

“You’re putting a lot of effort into something that doesn’t matter.” His little comment irritated me, and I frowned as I continued to stack them neatly.

“It does matter. Because the way you were stacking them meant they’d fall over when you pull the sled. This way, they won’t fall off.” I finished piling them onto the sled and stood upright, waiting for him to pull the sled toward the house.

But Dave didn’t move. He stared at me, making me feel self-conscious. I gestured between the sled and the house, waiting for him to move, but he continued to stare. Out of irritation and self-consciousness, I grabbed the ropes from him and started to pull it slowly through the snow. It was a lot heavier than I anticipated and I struggled to move it, and David’s chuckled was loud enough that I’m sure the dogs heard it.

He gripped the ropes just passed my hands and pulled with me, dragging the sled toward the side of the cabin. When we reached it, he stacked the wood neatly against the side of the cabin, leaving aside a few to bring inside for the fire.

I was thinking about his expressions. He had seemed so carefree and relaxed… But I knew he wasn’t. Our conversation from earlier was still fresh on my mind and I felt guilty for not having said anything about it. But I wasn’t sure what I could say.

He was a clone. But of who? And that would explain why he and Liquid looked so similar. But why did he say it had “gone wrong”?

I followed him into the cabin and watched as he started a fire, placing one of the logs onto the grate and lighting some kindling that he dropped on top. After I had sat down on one of the armchairs, I pulled my jacket tighter around my middle and accidentally pressed against my thigh, which made me wince. It hadn’t been so tender and sore last night, or the past few days for that matter, and I frowned down at my leg in confusion.

“I cleaned it for you. That’s why it might hurt again.” His gruff voice sounded contemplative as he spoke, and I looked up to see him staring at my thigh. “I probably should have told you about FoxDie before last night. It didn’t cross my mind.”

I scoffed. “Of course it didn’t. As far as I remember, you were a little distracted.”

His mouth pulled into a smirk and he turned his head away, trying not to chuckle aloud. “Yeah, I guess I was.” Then his expression settled into a smirk and he made direct eye contact with me. “But it was a good distraction.”

I smiled back at him before looking toward the fire. It had taken off well and there were flames moving up and around the log, creating heat. I pulled off the jacket I was wearing and wrapped it carefully around my middle, playing with the sleeves.

When he spoke again, he was crouched awkwardly beside the fireplace. “If you want to ask me anything, you can. I’ll answer as truthfully as I can.”

I pondered this as we watched the flames become stronger around the log. It was damp from the snow, which meant that the more heat it generated, the more it spit and squeaked at us. I thought of something that would hopefully lighten the mood and settle us into our question and answer session. “How long will it take for my thigh to heal?”

Caught off guard, Dave chuckled and shook his head. “It shouldn’t take too long. I’ll be careful not to put any pressure on it again though, that might make it worse.”

There was a glint in his eye when he said this, and the smirk that I loved on his face. Satisfied that he had been soothed by my stupid question, I posed another. “What was Dr Emmerich talking to you about on the phone?”

His expression changed, seriousness clouding his eyes and making him seem more like Solid Snake than he had been for days now. “Otacon doesn’t want his technology used for bad intentions again. He wants to find and leak information about other Metal Gears in the hopes that the world collectively will shut them down.”

Wow. That was a lot of information. I stretched out on the armchair I was in and groaned a little at the pull in my thigh. “He’s going on a witch-hunt.”

“Of sorts. Yeah.” The man in front of me stood and stretched himself, before standing nonchalantly. “I told him to keep me updated. I want to know if I can help.”

At this, I sat up straight. “David, I don’t think that’s a good idea…”

He frowned.

We lingered in the silence for a while, unsure how to proceed with the conversation. He suddenly turned to me with an unusual expression in his eyes, one that I did not yet recognise. “Why are you acting so differently compared to Shadow Moses? Was all that an act? Part of the soldier thing?”

I sucked in a breath, my hands gripping my arms tightly. “Yeah, sure.”

“Yeah, sure? What does that mean?”

“It means I’m not sure!” My outburst and my decision to stand upright at that exact moment made me look like a child pulling a tantrum. “I don’t know! I’ve never been in this situation before, I’ve never felt at home, I’ve never had a proper family, or a partner, or a chance to live without expectations and yet-”, here, I pointed at him, “You’re expecting me to act like I did back there, when we both know neither of us want to think about that!” I collapsed into the armchair once more, my hands coming up to my face. “And I want to be myself, but I don’t know how because I don’t know who me is.”

Tears pooled out of my eyes and I felt like a total idiot, scratching at my eyes in frustration, willing them to stop. His hands pulled mine away from my face and he pulled me toward him, into a hug which was awkward and forced. I wasn’t sure what to do in response, so I sat there, hating myself even more for not reciprocating again, but unable to do much because he had dragged my hands around his back. They moved then, leaving my balled hands at the small of his back and coming to rest on my back, again awkwardly, but I had to commend him for trying to soothe me.

“I wasn’t trying to hurt your feelings, but you’ve clearly been thinking about this yourself.” His voice was gentle against my ear and for a moment, it drowned out my ridiculously small sobs. “You can be whoever you want to be, there isn’t any pressure on you. You get to choose who you are. Now more than ever.”

He pulled away to look at my face, all blotchy and red. “So don’t panic. I wasn’t testing you, your answer didn’t make any sense.” I nodded feebly, looking down at his shirt where a damp spot had formed from me crying.

“Sorry.” I wiped at my face, pulling my arms free. “I should go wash my face, huh?” I didn’t realise what I had said until I saw his expression, hardened and cool. That was not the best thing I could have said then. But I said it anyway.

I pulled away from him completely and walked slowly up the stairs, trying not to cry or hiccup as I did. This all seemed so strange, so surreal, and I wasn’t coping with it properly. It didn’t feel right to me.

We spent the rest of that day in silence, as I was unsure what to talk about. What interests did I have apart from shooting? Apart from learning CQC? I knew nothing; did nothing. And I wanted to improve that.

He didn’t stay away from me that night in bed, though. I was sure he was angry with me, for being such an emotional wreck, but he wasn’t. He deliberately placed his hand carefully on my thigh and whispered "Is this gentle enough?”.

I couldn’t help it. I burst into laughter and placed my hand over his when he went to move it. “That’s perfect Dave, thanks.”


End file.
